Wednesday, April 26, 2017
Let’s face it. Every once in a while we’ve come across situations in life which either annihilates us or glorifies us. Nonetheless, they have been our moments and we can’t get rid of them even after we’re buried. They might die with us, but they will live on forever in the ones who has shared our lives – father, mother, brother, sister, wife, children, friends... everyone. In short, our secrets are never ours to keep. You had a fight with your friend, you tell your sibling. You had a fight with family, you tell your best friend. You had a bad day at work, you tell your other half. Not every secret might be worth sharing, but if it’s killing you inside, you share it anyway and see what it does. If it dies when shared, it proves that your partner is mature enough to see past it and embrace you for what you are now. If your secret grows from being a dark entity to a monstrous mistake, it means you shouldn’t have let it out in the first place.
That’s the flipside of every relationship. There are some monsters inside you which not everyone can bravely face. It would haunt their memories and taint your relationship for life. These are the battles you should fight for yourself no matter how much you love your other half. Because you may be strong enough to survive the aftermath, but your partner may not. Your partner must be struggling to either get rid of his/her own demons, or make peace with it. Whatsoever, those demons inside will never leave. You see, it is like this! If you are determined to be cynical and sceptical, the demons will enjoy being with you. It’s not your fault that you are negatively inspired. Maybe that’s how you’ve learnt to fight your battles. You feel so obsessed with winning that you never realise what your inner demon is doing with your soul. Sometimes, you have to lose to find yourself and all artists and the poets tell you the same story. There is a thin line between ego and self-respect and most of the times the lines are blurred. We end up massaging our ego in the name of keeping up to our self-respect. But we will realise it only when we lose something or someone that we value the most. Until then, whatever we say or do just seems too whimsical or exaggerated.
When it comes to living with someone who’s totally new to your life, the first and foremost rule is reciprocation of everything. Nobody in a relationship is willing to surrender themselves completely at the mercy of the significant other. If you have been living your life a certain way for a couple of decades, you are bound to live it likewise even after. What matters the most in a relationship is compatibility. How flexible we are to adjust with someone’s family, friends, behaviours, lifestyle and emotions. Expectations will be plenty from both sides. And they have to be met by both. “Why should I change?” is the killer in every relationship. If your demon realises that you are willing to let it go, it will never leave you. It will fill you with all sorts of negativity and make you the worst possible being. But, is that your fault that you’re weak enough to terminate it from your mind? May be it is your fault. Are you willing to accept it? Maybe not! Well, faith is something man-made. God didn’t put it inside us. If it was, we’d all have it as standard equipment built into our soul system. Faith comes from the acceptance of what we are! It stays with us with the thought that whatever we are, good or bad, if we can change it to be happy from within. It will leave you when you are blinded by agonies with expiry date. You don’t see that it’s all temporary.Imagine you “adjust” to change and even live with it for the rest of your life. Do you think the demon has left you? NO! You have conditioned your demon in a way that it comes out only when you need it. The demon becomes your slave and not the other way round. You start to live for what’s in front of you rather than what you imagined it to be. You start to make room for more memories in your heart instead of miseries. You become a lively human being with a heart full of love instead of someone who despises every breath you take. In a way, it is your demon that will live with you till the end of you. All the people around will eventually vanish. All the emotions will gradually fade away. But, as long as you’re alive, you will make the people around you feel worthy of themselves for having a gem of a person like you in their mediocre life.
Tuesday, February 21, 2017
It’s divine, how our souls meet
It is the confluence of worlds,
the most vividly dreams.
It’s heavenly, how our smile screams.
Not for a moment, not for a second,
we wish to be away.
A lifetime is just a day,
and that’s not all.
It’s powerful, how timeless our love stays.
Let the scars heal, let me feel,
your love, unbound by frets,
let us live with no regrets.
It’s lovely, how our emotions unveil.
Because time is the cure,
with your madness so pure,
chaos now has a beauty,
and time as a Creator,
has done its duty.It’s beautiful, how our lives endure.
Tuesday, February 14, 2017
Are you not here?
Right here, in my heart
You know what storms I hold
I know how your volcanoes taste
But that’s not all, is it?
All those tornadoes, of our woes
will be pacified.
All that lava of pain will turn cold.
Because, a story will be told
of our endless love.
Believe me, my love, there’s no end.
Every page will be filled
with your smiles,
with petty fights that happened,
and what will remain, insane, yet humane,
is us, with all our hope.
All shall be well my love,
because the journey,
has just begun,
and we’ll walk all the way,
Monday, January 30, 2017
Why does the shore scream?
Why does it always touch my feet?
Has it sinned?
Or am I superior to it?
Maybe it is tired
of the storms.
Or just escaping
the daily norms.
“Smile a lot and shine a lot”, it said
while the sun waited to set.
Two hearts waited for the view.
And there it was - the sound of silence.
The soul reached out to the horizon
and ended their blues.
The moon awaited a grand entrance
while the sun set with grace.
They looked at the clouds
and found a familiar face.
wasn’t noisy anymore.
It tugged their heart and soul
to the core.
Wednesday, January 18, 2017
All the courage and all the fears
What’s more worth than your love
or more precious than your time?
If I am worth it, I will have it all
in a moment or in light years.
Why should I let the sands
slip from the hourglass?
I’ll forever hold your hands
till memories horde our dreamlands.
And if I am worth it all, remember,
I’ll do everything that my destiny demands.
No flashy words to please your pain
No flowery language will make me gain
all that I’ve lost while buffering
through my suffering
The only way to you is through you
Being a jerk will fetch no perks.
If I am worth it, I’ll be more
of what you are
I will be worth every drop of rain
that caused a flood of blood
in your veins.
I’ll be worth your kiss,
that for so long I’ve missed.
Till then, love will find us
and we’ll find the love of the whole universethat’ll grow beyond this little verse.
Monday, November 21, 2016
Let go all the inhibitions
Let go the prohibitions
Come, let’s go away from this pain
Just you and me, dancing in the rain.
No more suffering cynicism
No more pretending to love spiritualism
Come, let’s follow romanticism
Just you and me, into the prison of prism.
Time will be a merciless mercenary
Distance will be long, but temporary
Come, let’s slay them both
Just you and me, let’s take this bloody oath.
Thursday, November 17, 2016
It doesn’t take an Einstein to figure out that relatives are the “necessary evil” we all need in our lives. Though you can’t get away from them, you also can get enough of them too. From the day we’re born to the day we’re cremated or buried six feet under, they are always around. Some are there in your life invited; and some, uninvited. Here’s a fun fact – everyone is related to us in one way or the other.
My childhood was the most obnoxious one and my relatives know the story very well. They would tell their version of me being a menace of the top order. I was like ‘Dennis’ to their ‘Mr. Wilson’. When my parents got married, my mother was flabbergasted by the number of relatives my father had. It’s been 35 years now and my mother still doesn’t know most of the relatives from my father’s side. Being from a small village in the Northern Karnataka, my father’s family comprised of the whole village (almost). He worked as a teacher there for years in the 70s and those children now are married and have multiple children. It’s like keeping count of the “Swadeshi” customers. The multiplication just goes beyond the calculator’s limit. I guess that’s how super-computers got invented. But, on a serious note, my father, being a noble servant of citizens, thought about global welfare and all such philanthropic ideas while he was on government duty. My parents never let me and my elder sister worry about anything and they had perfected the art of camouflaging their feelings. My mother disliked how my father always thought about others more than his own family. But my father never let us feel it otherwise. He was gruesomely trying to be the best person to both, his family and his relatives. He still feels that he’s obliged to make good to them, even though the people he thinks are his “own” never did him any good.
That’s where my father and I enter a cold war. My mother has taken a neutral stand because she just cares for her family and nothing else. I inherit her trait when it comes to speaking my mind. My sister, on the contrary, inherits my father. She knows (rather, she’s learnt) to take a diplomatic stance and favour both parties. I am of the opinion that, when anybody tries to break the bond of blood by words or deeds, they don’t belong to our circle. Be it friends or family (relatives, in this context), they are officially defunct. And when it comes to those whom I’ve never met, or never talked to, I wouldn’t be the right person to tell if they are the good ones or not. I can only tell that after looking at my parent’s expressions. Whenever I see my father helping people in his village, helping people in his work group or any random person, I see the enthusiasm of a child who wants to keep rolling in the mud. He knows it’s dirty (literally); he knows it will harm his health; he very well knows the mud won’t get any cleaner, but he enjoys it; he likes mud all over him. In short, he is obsessed with mud. When I look at my mother, she seems so damn helpless. She’s handled two kids wonderfully, and she has no strength to handle the third. My father knows this too, but he’s torn between infinite torments within himself.
My father still believes in “Karmanye vadhikaraste ma phaleshu kadachana”. But, nobody is wise enough to convince him that, people change. The relatives that he thinks are blood relations; most of them have forgotten the meaning of it. It is only he who thinks they are family and goes that extra mile to help them regardless of what kind of help they need. Be it financial, official, or moral support, he has given it all and expected nothing in return. I only despise those who do not see his sacrifices and yet continue to act like they are living in the 70s. My father is almost 70 years old now and he doesn’t possess that sort of energy to still go around the world to see that everything and everyone is doing well.
Unfortunately, I too haven’t been much of help to him in recent years, considering all the qualms he had to overcome. He never included me in his battles like these and that’s why I feel repulsive to such relatives. It seems wrong to blame them for my father’s ill health, because in the end, it was my father’s choice. He could have chosen not to care, but he has a heart. He was compelled, intrigued, moved, provoked, and to some extent, emotionally blackmailed to get into all of this. I could have stopped him by being blunt and speaking my mind. I could have told him, “They’re not worth it. Please let it go.” And I was sure of getting one befitting reply, “You won’t understand. Just keep quiet.” I didn’t want to get into an argument of how much I understood or did not understood. But, the only thing I knew was, I didn’t want to see my father being estranged, betrayed and insulted by his own relatives – the one he calls family. Maybe he acts like nothing is wrong, nobody would know, he might shed a flood of tears in silence, but we all know. He’s not alone. Someday, I will find that courage and tell him – enough is enough. You’re not doing this anymore. And I think I’ve found my inspiration, a trigger rather, to instigate this conversation.
After my ring ceremony, it’s not just me and my fiancée who’s hearts have united; it’s our families too. And with two families united, there are two universes of relatives colliding together too. We’re about to experience another “Big Bang” (Astronomically!) I feel like a rookie when it comes to handling relations like my father did. I am still scratching on the surface, trying to keep everyone in my family happy, and now I’ve entered a relationship where I’ve to think beyond the wellness of my own family. I’ve to think of hers too. This is the time where I need my father most. I can’t let him lose his mind over someone or something that he’s trying to sort for decades long. I know I can’t let him leave his responsibilities all of sudden just because I am getting married. I’ve to make him my (OUR! I speak as a couple now) responsibility (which I should have, long ago), but nevertheless – better late than never. He’s the one who’s taught me the meaning of love, more than anyone or anything that I’ve come across. Though I get poetic sometimes, and write to my fiancée, never I’ve written poetry for my father. To me, he meant more than poetry. He’s a person of prose. Not every relative will understand my love for him, or his love for family, but one thing I wish they would all take away from this story is, “He’s done serving you. He can’t tell this in words like me. He may say so, in actions or deeds. But, I request you all. Let him be.”
Wednesday, November 16, 2016
It has been quite some time that I haven’t written a story about my life. Since the day I left my beloved Pune, life has been like a roller coaster ride. Come on, we all get to have some buffer time. Mine took a little longer. Because, I wanted to achieve my dreams, I wanted to fall in love again. I wanted to make memories and most of all, I wanted to settle and I wanted to do that quickly. How could all this be possible to accomplish in such short time? Had I gone insane? Perhaps, the answer was clear. I was getting sane, and it was a shocker, even to me.
I became less crazy. Or was it the surroundings that faded my eccentricity, I am not quite sure. I became less talkative. Or was it the people around that made me selective in choosing my friend’s circle, I was quite sure about that. The “Textual Harassment” which was actively trending before, had gone into exile. The reason for this was surely the lack of software at my workplace. Well, I don’t complain about that. I still continued to jot those evil thoughts in my diary. The feline lover was still alive in me. And, in couple of months, I even found my life partner.
Our story will be featured in another volume on a bigger scale though. But, precisely, we met on a matrimony site (as we were supposed to) and it was love at first chat. Being a charmer that I was, I lured her into my captivity with layers of romantic and emotional verses. Being a sweetheart that she was, she accepted me completely. Our story merely began and life, to me, was on a whole another dimension. The long distance thing still tests my patience but it never keeps me away from doing crazy things for her.
My friendship with people has also been going through a major metamorphosis (positively) after I’ve got into this relationship. She’s been more like a surgeon to me, treating her cancer patient. When I was enduring my singlehood, I was unshackled. Friendship to me meant, being friends to people, having fun, cracking jokes and sharing some common interests to spark conversations. But, she saw it differently. She tried to find meaning and purpose to everything. To me, it was very philosophical, and something serious, which wasn’t my forte. But, after the operation (ring ceremony), I fell for my surgeon’s methods. I found out why it was important for me to have few friends. Because, not every friend will understand you. Not every friend will see the qualms you face every day. Not every friend will want you to change. Of course, I will not disown those few friends who really have made my life meaningful, but, with time, the wrong ones will fade away by themselves; because I let them.
Some won’t like the changes in me. Some will despise me for leaving (abandoning, for lack of a better word) them. They will blame the girl I am marrying. They will say that she is the one sabotaging our friendship. But, if you look at it closely, if the friendship was real, no matter what my marital status was, it wouldn’t have affected us. And so is my relationship with her. Right now, I walk on a very thin ice. This is courtship time for us and we both want to make the most of it. This is the time when we get to know each other beyond our CV and matrimonial details. I would want to know what she likes and what makes her cry; what makes her laugh; what terrifies her; what turns her on; what kind of food she likes to hog on; what sitcoms she’s into; is she a movie buff, or is she a bookworm; is she allergic to any particular climate or place; does she like to drink, go crazy or does she like to travel, and stay wild – every damn details matter to me. And during this period of knowing each other, I wouldn’t mind staying away from friends for a while. For me, it is all temporary. I knowing her more doesn’t make her a vamp. If that’s the case, I’d rather be glad losing friends who think so.
Though I’ve always dreamt of friends and family hanging out together as one, not all my dreams are meant to come true. Not all my friends would like her; and so would she. I don’t expect them to come to a truce, but I expect them to understand. My journey with them as a friend will only continue if they let me begin my journey of love and life with my better half. There will be paused friendships, but never stopped ones. We will definitely begin from where we left. I would even tag my partner along to your parties, but only if she’s invited. In such circumstances, we’d often say; there’s no need for such formalities. But, on a long-run, it helps to be formal. You’re not seen as an intrusive friend. You don’t assume or expect them to turn up. You, my friend, would be on a safe side and nobody would blame you for being careless or disrespectful. And, to me, that’s the biggest takeaway from being formal.
I’ve met my match and it’s time I said – I am a person who needs friends. I don’t desire to have many. She understands this and became my friend first. If my friends understood this, they will let me savour my tryst with destiny for a while. I am not going anywhere. I’ll definitely be back with more life inside me, (well, that came out wrong) figuratively. So long, my friends (that came out wrong too)!
I was searching for my soul, and I met you.
Was it destiny or were we meant to be?
Can you see? Miracles do happen.
You were the missing piece of my puzzle.
I was the broken being.
You were the notes that made
my symphony complete.
I was a song without tune.
You were the elixir
that made me immune.
Oh! Magic does live inside us.
Why couldn’t we find it before?
Why was time so slow?
Wish you were here. In my life.
A bit sooner. A bit more than myself.
Wish I was there. In your life.
For a lifetime. For longer than The Creation itself.
I had lost myself into the void. Now I have you.
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
A glimpse in your eyes
is all it takes
for the madness to begin,
and for all the love that’s within
my heart, to be yours,
A glimpse in your eyes
is all it takes!
For discovering the treasures
of owning the pleasure
to be with you,
A glimpse in your eyes
is all it takes!
Don’t sleep, don’t dream,
Don’t weep, don’t scream,
There’s a universe hidden,
in those wet dreamy eyes,
and, a glimpse...